Mina's Musings: Ekev, Depression and Robin Williams

Ekev, Depression and Robin Williams

Early Monday evening as I was flipping channels with the remote, I came upon one of my favorite scenes from any movie ever – the Robin Williams fantasy drama What Dreams May Come.  The movie, from 1998, is intense and visually magnificent, though the topic is very serious.  The storylife centers on the afterlife of Chris, a man whose two children preceded him in death, and then who must go and rescue his wife from Hell after she commits suicide, unable to endure the pain of having lost her children and husband all to horrible accidents.  It has been, since the moment I saw it, one of my all-time favorite movies.  After a particularly moving scene which brought me to tears, Shiah asked how many times he was going to have to give me a hug to get me through the movie, so I turned it off.  So I turned the TV off and turned on my Kindle.  I read for a few minutes and then decided to surf the web.  That was when I saw the headline that Robin Williams had committed suicide that morning.  Reading that headline 30 minutes after watching a movie in which he plays a man who rescues his wife after she commits suicide, I have to confess that Shiah didn’t have enough hugs to help with my tears.

Much has been written and spoken about Robin Williams’ genius this past week.  All I can say is that he was one of my favorite comedians.  I was only eight when he had his break out role on Mork and Mindy and several of his movies are on my top-20 list of movies. I still cannot believe he is gone, and I know it will be hard to watch some of his films for quite some time. 

But as much as Robin Williams left a legacy behind of funny, thoughtful, and uplifting movies, his death provides the possibility of a new legacy – an open conversation on a topic we don’t normally discuss in public – mental illness and the toll that it takes if left untreated, undertreated, or improperly treated.

Though we don’t normally talk about it, our scriptures, the Torah and the entire Hebrew Bible repeatedly acknowledge a variety of illnesses, both physical and mental that strike human beings.  In last week’s Torah portion we read (Deut. 4:9) the injunction to “take utmost care and watch yourselves scrupulously.”  From this verse we derive the mitzvah of taking care of ourselves physically, psychologically, and spiritually. 

In this week’s Torah portion we read:  “If you...obey these rules and observe them carefully…[God] will maintain faithfully for you the covenant that He made… with your fathers:  He will bless you….The Lord will ward off from you all sickness; He will not bring upon you any of the dreadful diseases of Egypt about which you know..”

So now we have a conundrum.  In last week’s portion we were told to guard ourselves from things that harm us.  In this week’s portion we’re told that if we are obedient to the covenant then God will protect us from all sickness.  So which is it? 

There are two ways to answer.  The first is to say that the Torah articulates an ideal world in which we take care of ourselves and in which God protects us from everything, always.  However, since this is not an ideal world we are required to take care of ourselves precisely BECAUSE God does not protect us in every situation from illness.  Similarly, we can say that the correct understanding of the verse is that God promises us a reprieve only from the diseases that afflicted Egypt, not all disease, and that is why we have to take care of ourselves.    

In both explanations though, it is clear that God does NOT promise us perfect health.  We are human, mortal, and our bodies are imperfect.  The precariousness of our physical and mental health is illustrated in the book of Samuel where we read of King Saul’s struggles with bi-polar disorder.  There are instances in scripture where he is clearly depressed, and David helps him with the first documented case of music therapy when he plays his harp for Saul. There are also stories in the Tanakh that lead us to think Saul was manic, such as the times when he was said to have gone into prophetic frenzies.  Job, Elijah, and others also dealt with forms of mental anguish.

The rabbis of the Talmud understood what a gift it is to have good mental and physical health.  That is why each morning we begin our prayers with the blessings Asher Yatzar and Elohai Neshamah, the first a blessing in which we praise God for our functioning bodies and the second in which we praise God for our souls.  This daily recitation helps us remember not to take the gift of our health for granted.   

The Torah teaches us to acknowledge the gift of our physical and mental health and urges us to guard it.  By telling us to do this we know that we are actually OBLIGATED to seek help when necessary (Ex. 21:19). This includes seeking help for healing both body AND soul, just as we say in the Misheberach prayer, even if this means violating Shabbat to get the help we need to save our lives.  

So when we are sick we are told to seek help.  Simultaneously we must help others when we are able.  I wish that the latter was as simple as reminding someone that we are urged to “ivdu et Adonai b’simchah” – serve God with joy, but it isn’t.  It also isn’t as easy as bringing someone who is depressed to a comedy and hoping that will snap them out of it.  Being sad when something bad happens is normal, and we all feel anxious at times.  Those feelings can go away by themselves.  Sometimes we can learn to view the world differently, try and see the world as a glass that is half full, not half empty.  But when someone is clinically depressed it is sometimes impossible for them to get out of the depression without help.  King Saul had music therapy.  Today there are psychologists, music therapists, equine therapists, psychiatrists, cognitive behavioral therapists, and medication to help those struggling with depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder, etc.

If we want to avoid more tragedies like the death of Robin Williams then we must urge those who need help to get it, and we must as a nation make sure the help is available.  We must remove the stigma.  We must admit that sometimes people with good lives, happy homes, and great prospects fall prey to depression or other mental illness.  Many of these illnesses are chemical in nature, with the individual no more responsible for what they are experiencing than someone born with a congenital heart defect.  According to NIMH 18% of American adults have some form of mental illness or impairment each year, ranging from illnesses that cause little to no impairment, to the 4% who require intensive treatment.  And it is not just adults who suffer from these disorders.  According to NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, 4 million children ages 9 to 17 suffer serious mental illness in this country, and up to 21% of children in the same age group experience a mental illness or impairment ranging from mild to severe.  Mental illness doesn’t discriminate between race, religion, or gender, and we simply cannot afford to pretend it doesn’t exist among our own families and friends.

On this I think we may be making some progress.  Just this week I heard for the first time a song on the radio by a woman named Mary Lambert. It is called Secrets.  Among the lyrics to this song are the following: 

I've got bi-polar disorder, My stuff’s not in order, I'm overweight, I'm always late
I've got too many things to say, I rock mom jeans, cat earrings, Extrapolate my feelings…

[Pre-Chorus:]
They tell us from the time we're young to hide the things that we don't like about ourselves
Inside ourselves I know I'm not the only one who spent so long attempting to be someone else
Well I'm over it,

I don’t care if the world knows what my secrets are, I don’t care if the world knows what my secrets are, so what, so what

So what indeed, and so what can you and I do?  Recognize that our health is a gift and that we must actively seek to protect it, seeking help when we need it, or helping our friends and family seek help when they need it.  We must work together to cultivate a culture of compassion and understanding so that others will stop being afraid of talking about something that effects 18% of adults and 21% of kids in this country. We must not judge or make assumptions about someone when they say they suffer from any of the myriad of mental disorders.  And we must have faith for ourselves and our families that even when we feel afraid and alone, we are not.  Our families are there for us.  Our friends and colleagues are there for us. Our clergy is there for us.  And God is always there for us. 

On this front in the 11^th century the Andalusian poet Ibn Gabirol wrote: 

When all within is dark, and former friends misprise, from them I turn to You, and find love in Your eyes.  When all within is dark, and I my soul despise, from me I turn to You and find love in Your eyes.  When all Your face is dark, and Your just angers rise, from you I turn to You, and [again] find love in Your eyes.

May we all take Ibn Gabirol’s words to heart and find the love in God’s eyes that we need, every single time we need it, and may we be God’s emissaries for that love each and every day. Amen.